Brown Skin Girl
I have three pieces of me. They are Kourtnei DeShe', Yukhari Danielle, and Dhani Ky, and they are my daughters. Each one of them represents a version of my best self, as well as a few of my flaws. Kodi is the sweetest of all of them, the one who loves all things musical and the lover of all people I have the potential to be. Khari-Girl is the athletic intellect and scholar and the girl I wish I was brave enough to have been when I was younger. The other piece of me came later in life, and she is a force to be reckoned with. Ky is the chill vibe I can be on my best day and the truth that comes with it. In other words, if you don't really want to know, then you'd better not ask her. But if you want to party, call her! The three of them put together most likely form my perfect self, which is fascinating, frightening, and something I constantly strive to be.
I heard this song this morning, which caused me to reflect on my own "brown skin girl" realities. And the reality is that I am a brown skinned mama with brown skinned girls. It is a task and a gift that is impossible to describe simply because an attempt to define this assignment, or "calling", with words would be an injustice no court could vindicate. The truth of the matter is, it is my belief, that our children are assigned to us by God and serve a dual purpose. Not only are we expected to raise them to serve Him and give Him glory, but they also come to teach us about "true" selves. They serve as the truest reflection of our character because they mimic and respond to the automaticity of who we really are. For example, when Kodi was in kindergarten, her teacher had them write down what they wanted to be when they grew up in a Mother's Day card. At dismissal, her teacher was so pleased to run out to my car to tell me that Kourtnei was the only girl who wrote that she wanted to grow up and work at the Midland Teachers Credit Union because she wanted to be just her mom, and she thought it was so sweet. My reaction was quite different than hers. "What??? You couldn't think of anything better than that?" And I'll never forget what Mrs. Law told me that day. "Are you kidding me? That is a reflection of the mother you are and how she views you. That is amazing! I have only had two students my whole career who said they wanted to be just like one of their parents, and she's the second one. I just had to come and tell you because that is not something to take lightly. So that means you go on back to school so we can get her a degree, too." And I did (go back to school) because her teacher's words resonated deep within that took me back to the day she was born.
It was a Monday morning, and the television show, 227, was on in my hospital room. At 10:42 a.m., they handed me this 5 pound, three ounce baby they said I'd just had. All I could see was this little face that looked just like the lady I now call Granny (her dad's mother.) She wasn't crying; she was just looking at me as if she was getting to strike up a conversation with me (I know now I was probably experiencing some sort of postpartum something. Haha...) "You're my mom? Really?" is what I thought I heard her say. Feelings of sadness and disappointment rushed through me because the reality at that time was that I was a sixteen year old sophomore in high school who was supposed to be on Spring Break. But thank God for the Holy Ghost who prompted me to pray. It was in that moment that I prayed and asked God to elevate my mind so that I could raise my baby to not realize that she and I were only sixteen years apart. I prayed and asked Him to grow me up so that I could raise her how He needed me to since He'd given her to me. I repented and confessed that all I ever wanted to do was make Him proud of me.
So that brings me to my daily gift I'd like to share today. Whatever it is, give it to God. Whoever it is, give them to God. Love God, and please know that He loves you. If He can love this scatterbrained, cussing, procrastinator who is me, He already loves you. Know that you are enough even when you don't feel like it. If it's resources you need, get up and go get them. If you don't know how to, pray and ask Him to show you someone who can teach you to become resourceful. His grace is sufficient, and everything we need is already here for the asking, for the taking. But it is not without responsibility. We owe Him, and it is our duty to raise our children to take advantage of any and every opportunity, especially the ones we didn't. It is our job to encourage them to be problem solvers. However, it isn't enough to tell them; we must show them. If we can't, we should provide them a village who can. In our daily walk, in how we deal with our own frustrations, trials, struggles, and tribulations, we are their first teachers. Believe me; it is true. According to an ancient proverb, when the teacher is ready, the student arrives. Be blessed, and in all things, give thanks. #hautemomsrock
I heard this song this morning, which caused me to reflect on my own "brown skin girl" realities. And the reality is that I am a brown skinned mama with brown skinned girls. It is a task and a gift that is impossible to describe simply because an attempt to define this assignment, or "calling", with words would be an injustice no court could vindicate. The truth of the matter is, it is my belief, that our children are assigned to us by God and serve a dual purpose. Not only are we expected to raise them to serve Him and give Him glory, but they also come to teach us about "true" selves. They serve as the truest reflection of our character because they mimic and respond to the automaticity of who we really are. For example, when Kodi was in kindergarten, her teacher had them write down what they wanted to be when they grew up in a Mother's Day card. At dismissal, her teacher was so pleased to run out to my car to tell me that Kourtnei was the only girl who wrote that she wanted to grow up and work at the Midland Teachers Credit Union because she wanted to be just her mom, and she thought it was so sweet. My reaction was quite different than hers. "What??? You couldn't think of anything better than that?" And I'll never forget what Mrs. Law told me that day. "Are you kidding me? That is a reflection of the mother you are and how she views you. That is amazing! I have only had two students my whole career who said they wanted to be just like one of their parents, and she's the second one. I just had to come and tell you because that is not something to take lightly. So that means you go on back to school so we can get her a degree, too." And I did (go back to school) because her teacher's words resonated deep within that took me back to the day she was born.
It was a Monday morning, and the television show, 227, was on in my hospital room. At 10:42 a.m., they handed me this 5 pound, three ounce baby they said I'd just had. All I could see was this little face that looked just like the lady I now call Granny (her dad's mother.) She wasn't crying; she was just looking at me as if she was getting to strike up a conversation with me (I know now I was probably experiencing some sort of postpartum something. Haha...) "You're my mom? Really?" is what I thought I heard her say. Feelings of sadness and disappointment rushed through me because the reality at that time was that I was a sixteen year old sophomore in high school who was supposed to be on Spring Break. But thank God for the Holy Ghost who prompted me to pray. It was in that moment that I prayed and asked God to elevate my mind so that I could raise my baby to not realize that she and I were only sixteen years apart. I prayed and asked Him to grow me up so that I could raise her how He needed me to since He'd given her to me. I repented and confessed that all I ever wanted to do was make Him proud of me.
So that brings me to my daily gift I'd like to share today. Whatever it is, give it to God. Whoever it is, give them to God. Love God, and please know that He loves you. If He can love this scatterbrained, cussing, procrastinator who is me, He already loves you. Know that you are enough even when you don't feel like it. If it's resources you need, get up and go get them. If you don't know how to, pray and ask Him to show you someone who can teach you to become resourceful. His grace is sufficient, and everything we need is already here for the asking, for the taking. But it is not without responsibility. We owe Him, and it is our duty to raise our children to take advantage of any and every opportunity, especially the ones we didn't. It is our job to encourage them to be problem solvers. However, it isn't enough to tell them; we must show them. If we can't, we should provide them a village who can. In our daily walk, in how we deal with our own frustrations, trials, struggles, and tribulations, we are their first teachers. Believe me; it is true. According to an ancient proverb, when the teacher is ready, the student arrives. Be blessed, and in all things, give thanks. #hautemomsrock
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